Please help me with my stressful situation?
This is going to be a bit long, but I appreciate the help!
I live at home with my mother and my 12 year old brother and I’m 25 years old Currently, I had to take a year off school because my school loan was not granted to me because I have changed programs too many times and the nation student loan services of canada are being very, very particular about who they make loans to because of the recession. Many others who are about 19-26 have had similar problems.
It has been difficult to find a job, but luckily, I still have one that gives me just enough for transportation, cell phone, and other assets. The job I have is a measly little coffee shop job. I do deserve more because I’ve been in the food and beverage industry for quite some time and I always have to do stock and out stock room is in the basement and the other girls complain saying “oh, it got so busy/it’s too heavy/I had a ride coming for me/I didn;t understand what you asked me to do because I do not know that much english,etc.” It’s always some ridiculous excuse! They probably should think that it’s my job because I’m tall whereas, the other girls that work there are less than 5″4,m but I highly think it’s because of that…how heavy can a few bags of milk be if we have an elevator! It’s so stupid! I have responsibilities of a supervisor without the benefits of one, just because the other people who work there are too lazy.
In my spare time, I make clothes and I try to make profit from them as well as building a portfolio. I use much of money for supplies. I would like that to occupy most of my time.
My mother is slightly demanding of me and she expects me to also clean and take care of my brother.
She treats him like a baby. She is not too old to go to work and take him to baby sitter, and soon, he may be able to stay at home for a few hours. She picks him up from school, or it’s me who has to, and FYI, we do not have a car and the school is in walking distance.
He ALWAYS asks me to play with him. We are close, but sometimes, I have virtually NO TIME to play anything for him and if I get the chance to, he complains that I only play with him for a short time. If my mother knows about it, she calls me a selfish b!tch and that I do too many things for my boyfriend.Then we end up arguing and ther is anamosity between us that can last for days. Another thing that really annoys me is that my family talks LOUD, the television is LOUD and when my mother works out, it LOUD! Sometimes, I also stay up because when they go to sleep, that is the only time I can experience QUIET in my home. I also tend to sleep with ear plugs on because my brotrher and my mother would often argue because he doesn;t want to go to school and he takes long to get up and ready.
Also, now, since I cannot afford to go back to school and I’m waiting for social benefits from the government (second career), I have to make monthly payments to Revenue Canada, because part of my portion of the balance went there and to another collections agency, because no one told me that you have to start paying back right away if you DROPPED OUT. They denied my application! If I graduated though, tehn I do not have to worry about it 6 months after I graduate…but that was not the deal that I was old when I first started going to school.
So now I am also trying to save up for at least part time so i can get some skills, and working almost full time (35 hours a week) .
On top of all this, my boyfriend, who I love dearly and have been with for at least 6 years wants to see me every chance I get. He makes me feel special, but sometimes, I am way too busy. I also found that beacause I am this busy, I do not feel like being intimate. I feel like I should be doing something more constructive. He gets all worried that I’m not attracted to him anymore and that I’m bored and I get worried if he thinks that, because it’s not true…but he seems a bit insecure. He even accused me once for cheating because I didn’t look at him hat much when we were making love!
Also, one more thing, my best friend, who is wonderful, wants to get a boyfriend and she always wants me to go to night clubs with her so that she can meet someone. Since I’m at a club and I’m coping with all this stress, i sometimes drink a bit more than I’d like to. This is not every week, but when I do go out, I easily spend about $30-40 on liquor for myself and some for her.
At the end of the day, I come home DRAINED and unable to focus on my designs. I want to start something and I feel like all these things are holding me back.
Okay, so, what I am really asking is that how to I tell these people that I NEED space? I feel like I cannot breathe and sometimes, I end up crying over the stress, especially when it comes to money.
Tags: Assets, Baby Sitter, cell phone, clothes, Coffee Shop, Elevator, Excuse, Food And Beverage, Food And Beverage Industry, Girls, help, Loans, Please., Quite Some Time, recession, Responsibilities Of A Supervisor, School Loan, Situation, Spare Time, Stock Room, stressful, Stressful Situation, Student Loan Services, Walking Distance
3 Comments at "Please help me with my stressful situation?"
You just need to start saying NO.
If you are as pressed for time and money as you say you are, why are you dropping $40 for booze?
You need to find a place to go where you can have some peace and quiet, since that is not going to happen at home. Try a library, or stay after work and just sit and read, or do sketches of your designs. Doesn’t you brother have any friends? Can’t he play with them and walk to school with them?
Tell you mother you are offended by her name calling & want it to stop. (You could say the say thing about her couldn’t you, that she doesn’t spend enough time playing with your brother? So enough of that.)
At least you learned one thing, you can’t believe what the government tells you.
You have no real debt, no credit cards, no mortgage. Just a few bills to pay. You are in better shape than a lot of people who have worked way harder than you have to this point. Why are you crying? There are people who have lost 100′s of thousands of their life’s work over the past few years. What have you really lost. You’ll finish school and build your future–you have this chance. Millions of good-hardworking Americans, who did it the right way, lost so much. Imagine being 60 years old and losing over half of everything you ever worked for, for reasons beyond your control. Then you will really cry. Learn from what has occured and you’ll end up ahead.
Sit down with a blank sheet of paper (real or on word perfect) and start making a schedule for yourself. Put in sleeping, commuting, work, school time first, then put in time spend grooming and meals (preparation and eating), and doing chores (bill paying, laundry, house cleaning). What you have left over is your free time. Start scheduling your free time with the highest priority item, e. g. your boyfriend. Meet with him, and be sure to tell him that he is your number one priority but you have to have time to do these other things and spend time with your family. Tell him you would spend every minute of every day with him if you could! Then schedule in 1-4 days per week of seeing him (based on when you want to see him). If you can’t make it an evening, try to meet for lunch, or maybe breakfast. Or midmorning coffee.
Then set up time to do your sewing, which is your next priority. Say 4-5 nights a week for 2-3 hours per night. Go into your room and close the door and put up a sign thatsays DO NOT DISTURB when you are doing this. Wear the earplugs so it is quieter.
Sit down with your mom and brother. Explain that you are overextended and in order to keep your sanity you have got to cut back on some of your responsibilities at home.Acknowledge that you do owe your mom some cleaning, babysitting etc for rent but you cannot do it between the hours of (blank) and (blank) on these nights. At 12 the boy should be able to entertain himself, and he should be able to stay home without a babysitter unless he is a problem child. Send him to a friends house or the library or to an after school program if he can’t stay by himself. Explain to him that you love him but you just can’t play with him as much as you both would like because of your work (the sewing). Set a schedule with him and your mom of when you feel you can babysit without feeling so pressured. Teach him how to cook and clean and get him started on some of the chores, or have your chore time be your time with him as you do chores together.
Then you need to fit in your best friend time. Hopefully that is only once a week or every couple of weeks. Tell her you are stressed out and you can only go out for a couple of hours. Set a time limit and a two drink limit. Drink ice water in between. Set a $15 limit on drink spending, and DON’T buy her any, she is the one that wants to go to start with!
Hope these ideas help. Good luck!